How To Be A Supportive Friend

When a friend or someone close to you has been diagnosed with cancer it can be hard to know what to say or do for the best to help them. Here are some do’s and don’ts on how to be a supportive friend to someone going through cancer.

Do’s

• Be there to listen, to hold their hand, to make a cuppa, take them for a coffee or go for a walk.
• Ask what you can do to help without being over insistent. Always take your lead from them you know your friend best.
• Offer to help in whatever way you can whether its driving them to and from appointments, taking notes or being their voice when it all becomes a bit overwhelming, making dinners for their freezer, doing their ironing, picking up shopping or prescriptions. It all helps.
• Set up a WhatsApp group to update other friends so your friend isn’t bombarded with calls and texts.
• Host a lunch or get together at key milestones in their treatment.
• Help them choose a wig if they lose their hair through chemotherapy. Give your honest opinion and make a daunting experience fun.
• Send cards, flowers, gifts you know they will like, e.g. a magazine or a book to read, a candle or a box set and make sure that gifts are practical for those going through cancer treatment – many chemotherapy patients are unable to use perfumed products so be careful what you choose.
• Take them out for a drive or to the cinema if they are up to it – they may appreciate the change of scene or distraction. 
• Encourage them to get help from cancer charities to improve their quality of life and help them deal with fatigue whether it’s for complementary therapies, counselling or attending a support group.
• Accompany them to hospital or doctor’s appointments. Take notes for them as information overload can be an issue when getting information on your cancer and treatment.
• Check on your friend’s partner or children as they will be struggling with the diagnosis too. 

Don’ts

• Don’t visit your friend if you have a cold or a bug as chemotherapy patients have compromised immunity and may be susceptible to infection. Phone or FaceTime instead.
• Don’t be offended if your friend turns down your offers of help or invitations. They will have a lot going on and may be feeling overwhelmed with everything. Just keep trying.
• Don't be too disappointed if you make plans and your friend lets you down at the last minute due to sickness or fatigue.
• Don’t assume that your friend won’t be able to do certain things or go places always give them the option and let them decide if up to it.
• Don't post things on social media about your friend and their cancer if they are not keen on letting everyone know. Be mindful it’s their story to tell.
• Don’t offer to do things you may not feel comfortable doing – if hospitals aren’t for you then don’t offer to attend appointments.
• Don't get frustrated with your friend’s indecisiveness. They will be overwhelmed with their diagnosis and some treatment can affect cognitive function and memory.
• Don’t be afraid to talk about death if your friend’s prognosis is terminal. Help them to live the best life they can in the time they have left.
• Don’t assume that once their cancer treatment has finished that they will not need your support. They will probably need it more than ever.